posting gajebo - gajah jelek bo !

pengen nulis di blog
pengen numpahin isi hati
tapi diliat liat
hatinya gada isinya
k o s o n g
jah
apanya yang mau ditumpahin donk

-______-

ahh entahlah
semua aneh
semua

kenapa semua kaya mukul balik ya
pertanyaannya
kapan g mukul duluan sih
sampe bisa ada pukulan baliknya

postingan orang setres
ampun deh gatau mesti gimana Tuhannn

kayanya makin lama makin complicated aja
belom selesai kisah yg ini
hadir lagi kisah yg ono
tumplek aduk
nyampur
mau dipisahin juga gimana
yang ngejalaninnya kan satu orang
guanya yg satu
ya ampun kenapa ada lagu j*rocks ?!?!?!

ngapain donk yah
udah nanggung create new post
ngantuk sih
baru tidur 3 jam
masi sukur sempet tidur

ada kerjaan sih
tapi emang niat ya
haha
ga mungkin banget
sulittt
duh padahal bukan ini yang g rencanain
kacau semua gara gara ini
jadi harus planning ulang
ampunnnn

kynya belon pernah g nulis post se harafiah ini
biasanya selalu ditutup tutupin
dan sengaja pake basa inggris
biar ga banyak yang ngerti
hehe sompral ya
lalu
kenapa sekarang terang terangan gini?
mungkin karna listrik udah masuk desa
udah cape juga pura pura
sampe kapan mo g tutupin
sampe kena serangan
dih
kaga dah
kurang keren

ngomong ngomong temen chatting gue brb nya lama amat yah
padahal ni nulis gini karna gajebo aja
nungguin dia
karna invis juga
jadi cuman dia yang tau gue ada
invis ko di publish disini
bego
bae ah
lagian sapa juga yang baca

bersyukur aja masih bisa chat
sama temen yang satu spesies
anehnya sama
nyebelinnya sama
bukan sama sama g loh ya
maksudnya
persentase keanehan dia
sama kenyebelinan dia
sama !
duh maap
engga ko
tadi maksudnya ga gitu
maksudnya sama aneh dan nyebelinnya sama g

sptinya dia brb ke alam mimpi
biarlah
biarlah dia merasakan akibatnya besok !
yaitu bangun dengan segar di pagi hari
nulis apa sih g

harus gimana ya sekarang
asli bingung
kalo ga bingung gakan bikin post aneh gini kan

kaya serba salah
bukan serba ada
toko itu mah

hmmm
lalala
dududu
lagu rindu
tiba tiba inget pak alex yang cakep
wow
wow apa yah
wow g kangen banget sama dia
:(
bukan sama pa alex !!!!!!

pengen ketemu
tapi takut
dilema pisan ini mah
pengen lanjut
tapi ntar gimana?
kalau ga lanjut
harus mulai lagi
reinstall heeh
diformat ulang?
oh may
dan tiba tiba ingat
belon telpon dosen dosen
belon minjem bus karyawan
belon meriksain psikotest
belon tidur
dan belon ngantuk
belonku ada lima
*hitung deh beneran di atas nulisnya 5x*
ahaha ngitung beneran ya?
mau aja dibobodo
tapi da emang bener ada 5

setressssssssssssssss

Another Heaven's Taste

Another anxious moment in my life.. Well as for me, it's always been anxious moments.. Difference is that usually i'm able to control myself better than this time.. I nearly ran into tears just by thinking about this whole crazy thing.. Well actually, i DID ran out of tears when i finally got home.. As you know (well maybe you don't know, but now you do - whatever) i've always been this inhibited-insecure-introverted person for so long, and now suddenly everything just reveals (not the way i wanted - also as always) and i feel so scared..

Scared by images repeating in my head.. Scared to imagine how i must face this all alone.. Scared of knowing what causes my sleepless nights.. While before i was scared for NOT knowing it *GOSH* nothing seems right, as from where i look, things just come and go and i have completely NO control over them, even over ME, myself.. Such a shame.. Well actually some things do function the way they should, it's that i just can't see properly in this situation.. >.<

I think this is the first time i write such rubbish but i really can't stand it.. Everyone's expecting me to be THE hero, THE wiseman (wisewoman, in this case?!), THE one never to be troubled since everybody's already so full of problems.. I always have to be perfect.. I can't make a single tiny teeny little mistake or everyone's gonna end up blaming everything on me.. (btw, if you haven't noticed yet, i tend to generalize, so just feel free to replace the "every"s above with anything you like - come to think of it, who am i talking to??)

Well.. Unfortunately.. I'm also human.. Not a super one, nor a saint.. I have feelings as well.. And i might also be more vulnerable at times.. As hard as i always try to hide them, doesn't mean i'm doing it at ease.. Sometimes (most of the times, actually) i really feel the need to pour this rubbish somewhere someplace safe.. It's my lack of trust that's causing me to selectively choose who to talk to, where to settle down.. At this point.. I really hope those selectively chosen people won't turn me down..

After this whole weird writing of mine.. I decided to put a good end to it *whew* One good thing about all this is that - thank God - i had this short little chit chat today with that "chosen one" *haha* who managed to put my heart at ease *a bit* Just like before.. I felt that rush and just knew that i didn't choose the wrong person.. Now that i cooled down a bit, let me conclude what just happened..

I think, we all have some kinda dark side of personality.. Some area that we never want to even get near to, but sadly DO have to be explored.. And we can't expect good things to come out as a direct result.. But despite the hurt and the pain we might feel - TRUST ME - it's m-u-c-h better knowing.. Also put in mind that:

~ in every pain lies a heaven's taste - we just need to keep looking for the odds to actually grab a hold of them ~

PS : special thanks to my heaven's taste today ^^
-dna-